It’s time to bring out the paddles, whips, and handcuffs! Don’t be shy. BDSM is an exciting way to play that’s becoming more and more mainstream with each passing year. Still, there is much more than spanking that goes into this display of trust and there’s a lot of misunderstanding behind BDSM as a whole. 

BDSM stands for bondage/discipline, submission/dominance, and sadism/masochism. You may not know where you fall in this kinky lineup but that’s okay, we have a quiz to help! BDSM is all about consensual exploration with your partner (or partners) as you discover what you do or don’t enjoy. 

Conversations & Safe Words

Never underestimate the power of conversation. Before jumping into BDSM in the bedroom, you must talk about it with your partner. Let them know what you want to accomplish and what you’re okay with (and not okay with). As a beginner, perhaps start with a green light, yellow light, and red light method with your partner. 

Call out green light when they do something you love, yellow light when you are starting to feel unsure, and red light for a full stop. Always make sure you also have a non-verbal safe word in place in case you are in a position where you can’t verbally speak out the words. 

Consent is Key! 

Check in with each other throughout your play to ensure you are both enjoying the direction things are going. When in doubt, try saying some of these phrases:

“Do you like it when I ____”

“Tell me how it feels when I ___” 

BDSM is whatever you make it and as long as you and your partner are on board with everything discussed, you can have fun to your heart’s content! Remember, sometimes talking about these things with your partner can be the ultimate turn-on and build-up to the main event. 

Ways to Play! 

In BDSM there is often a power play dynamic between partners. This is where one partner might fulfill a more submissive role, and the other will be dominant. These preferences and roles can be shifted, changed, and switched however you and your partner desire. Also, if you prefer a more submissive position in the bedroom, that does not mean you are automatically more submissive outside the bedroom.

BDSM is about trust and exploration, further connecting you with your partner every step of the way. 

So, now that you’ve discussed what you want to do with your partner - it’s time to go shopping! 

1. If you want to have fun with impact play, grab yourself a paddle! Start with your hand and move up in intensity with your paddle as desired. Once you get a feel for your hand and a paddle, you can start exploring other spanking devices and methods! 
2. Looking to try bondage? Grab yourself some handcuffs (or under-the-bed restraints) and a blindfold for the ultimate sensual experience. Trail a vibrator over your partner’s body while they are tied up and explore new levels of pleasure with each other. 
3. Watch porn together. Watch some porn that relates to what you’re looking to do and explore from there with your partner! You may even discover something entirely new that you’d like to give a try! 

One Step At a Time

Experts in this field recommend you take BDSM one step at a time. If you want to tie your partner up completely, first start with some handcuffs. You want to explore every aspect of your fantasy before jumping to the end - you never know what might change or shift during your fun! 

Slowly and safely exploring your BDSM fantasies is the best way to ensure all parties are comfortable, feel heard, and have the best time possible. 

Let’s Talk Aftercare

Always talk with your partner about what aftercare may look like for them. This can vary from partner to partner, but ultimately is how they would like to be cared for after play. In BDSM, some vulnerable situations and sensations may leave you not feeling grounded. In some cases, verbal intimacy, gentle touch, and closeness with your partner through talking or cuddling can help round out your experience in the most positive way.