Masturbation and Shame

Whether or not you grew up being able to talk about self pleasure, we are all exposed to the stigmas and shame that social media and society encourage regarding masturbation. It’s still such a taboo topic to speak to others about despite the fact that it’s healthy and beneficial to do! Still, many of us find shame and guilt clinging onto us long after the act is done. 

But masturbation is something that should be embraced and a part of our everyday lives! In order to smash down the shame, however, it’s important to first acknowledge that it exists and figure out why it lives in our minds and bodies.

Shame Has Deep-Rooted Sources in Society

Masturbation has always held a stigma in our society. For some people there is a religious aspect to it - being taught that touching ourselves or self-gratification is sinful truly does impact the way we look at masturbation. For others, it’s the stigma that sex toys and masturbation are not needed if you are in a relationship, and any playtime outside of that is an act of desperation. There are even many cases where masturbation was so far removed from what was deemed appropriate conversation that there was never any discussion about it! 

Whatever the case may be, there’s plenty of shame associated with the act despite how normal and healthy it is! Experiencing pleasure is a right we have as humans and it is time we ignore society’s push to assign shame and guilt to the action. 

We must also understand that playing with yourself is not an act of desperation. This is an act of self-pleasure and self-care that prioritizes our sensations and needs first. Sex toys and masturbation is not a way to replace someone or an act others can do, but to enjoy it by yourself! For many, the privacy of delighting in your own pleasures allows you to better grasp what you like and do not like. This can make it increasingly easy to express your wants and needs to a partner in the future.

Let’s Reframe How We Talk About Masturbation

It’s important when stomping the stigma behind masturbation and shame that we acknowledge ways in which we can discuss masturbation with others, and with ourselves. Educating yourself about the benefits of masturbation can oftentimes assist with a clearer understanding of masturbation and why we should do it. When speaking of your own personal self care, we don’t act disgusted or ashamed, we own it! Embracing touching ourselves in the same way can not only help others come to terms with how natural and normal it is, but helps train our minds in the future when we address it once more. 

It’s always important to remember, however, that you are in charge of how you wish to speak of your body and what you do with it. Masturbation may be normal and healthy, but if you are still working on your own comfortability in regards to talking about it, try bringing up conversations around toys you’ve heard of with others. This puts some space between your own exploration and the topic, allowing for a conversation to be had about masturbation devices without the actual act of talking about masturbation. 

Baby steps can oftentimes be perfect for training our mind and easing into the conversations around sex and masturbation that should be as normal as self-care and self-love! 

Masturbation Unlocks a Multitude of Benefits

In the end, masturbation is a beautiful form of self love. For many it’s not even about the pleasure but an attempt to obtain the other benefits of masturbation! This is about connecting with your body and exploring the different ways you wish to honor it during your time alone. 

Masturbating can help your mood! 

Masturbation releases a variety of different hormones that can contribute to assisting your mood! The happiness hormone, Dopamine, and the love hormone, Oxytocin are both released during orgasms. The body also releases endorphins during play that have mood-boosting effects and can assist with eliminating stress! 

Obtain better sleep! 

Masturbation assists with sleep, as well! Many people choose to masturbate right before bed to relax their body much like some would use a cup of tea or stretching before sleep. If stress or anxiety keeps you from having a good night of sleep, give masturbation a try! 

Learn more about your body! 

As mentioned above, when you take time with yourself in a relaxed place with an open mind you can dive into many different pleasures you may never have known you had! Exploring these things without anyone else around can assist you with verbalizing your pleasures, needs, and wants in the bedroom with others. 

Tying it All Together

Shame regarding masturbation is a normal challenge for many and it’s important to understand that our pleasure and play are just that: Ours! This is nothing to be ashamed of and entirely normal. The benefits of delighting in your own pleasure and exploring yourself are plentiful and self-pleasure should be enjoyed without doubt or guilt! 

It’s also about your individual needs and desires, so listen to yourself and what you need during play. 

It’s your body, your life, and your pleasure. Embrace it! 

Written by Tawney Seren. She is an author of fantasy, horror, erotica, and sex education novels. Find more of her work by visiting Open Bobs BB, where she blogs about sex education and sex toys!