Oftentimes, when we picture sex and orgasms, our minds go to the actual act of penetration, whether it’s with toys or a penis. But, just as sexual acts can be incredibly enjoyable without having to reach that orgasm, sex and masturbation can also be fantastic without penetration!
There are many reasons why someone may not enjoy penetration during their play. Perhaps they find some pain or discomfort with insertion that is age-related, a side effect of medication, or a mental blockade. There are also many cases where some find it impossible to orgasm with penetration alone or where someone’s partner does not have the equipment for penetration in the first place!
Did you know: that only 15–18% of people with vulvas say they orgasm from penetration alone?
Getting Rid of the Penetration Mindset
Sex, masturbation, and overall enjoying yourself should never be focused on one single act. Much like we may approach our own self-care regime, there are so many different levels of pleasure accessible beyond penetration.
These acts are about exploring your body (or your partner’s body), indulging in sensations, and tuning in all your senses to find your optimal pleasure. A lack of penetration does not negate a lack of intimacy. When we focus on one single act during that time with ourselves or a partner, we are more likely to not put our full attention on the other sensations and connections we can make with our bodies.
Ways to Play Without Penetration
Sex toys are an incredible tool in the bedroom, whether you are using them solo or with others. These products can provide stimulation that is not easily obtained organically (or impossible for us to replicate!). Beyond that, sex toys have come a LONG way from the small bullet vibrators of yesteryear.
Vibration is a sensation that can be used for an erotic massage with your partner and is enjoyed by all people, no matter their genitals. The Wellness Palm Sense is a sex toy that is easily held in your hand for all-over use and is powerful enough for an orgasm as well as a deep-tissue massage.
There are also toys that can enhance sensations in the bedroom and prepare you for an even easier orgasm in the long run. Whether it’s handcuffs, a feather tickler to trail along your skin or your partner’s skin, a masturbator, or even some warming wax, there are so many ways to play without ever having a sex toy inserted.
Grinding and Full Contact
Grinding and humping are often the first ways we find pleasure; this does not have to stop once we have a better grasp on faster ways to orgasm! The act of working our body against a partner’s above (or below) clothing while teasing and touching is a great way to build that stimulation without penetration. Beyond that, some toys provide sensual nubs, ribs, and other additions that can be grinded against for more pleasure externally.
Dirty Talking and Communication
Intimacy, comfort, and confidence are all things that masturbation and physical contact with a partner can foster. Still, talking is one of the more underestimated forms of arousal and pleasure with partners.
Communication is key. If you do not want to incorporate penetration into your play, it’s something you should feel comfortable relaying to your partner(s). You should always feel safe and supported when discussing your preferences in the bedroom, and finding yourself on the same page as your sexual partner can bring you both closer together.
Beyond communication, our words can hold an extra level of sexy power! Dirty talk.
If you’re like me, dirty talk does NOT come naturally. It was something that I felt was embarrassing, and I didn’t know what to say that didn’t come out without confidence. In the end, I had someone close to me give a suggestion that changed my own outlook on dirty talk. I was told that dirty talk can start with something as simple as a narration of your sensations. So, if you have a hard time getting into character and building anticipation and pleasure with your words, try narrating!
"Oh, that feels good." "I’m getting close." "I’m cumming!" "I love it when you do that." "That feels so good when you…"
Not only does this promote these actions in your partner, but it makes it even easier to grow on these words and reach new levels of dirty talk!
Embrace Your Pleasure
Your pleasure is your right, and temporarily or permanently choosing not to incorporate penetration into sex and masturbation shouldn’t make the act any less fulfilling. There are so many ways in which we can honor our bodies and our partners… So indulge the senses, grab a toy, get to grinding, and find your voice!