Let’s get real. If you have a masturbation practice, you most likely have a masturbation routine. You know what I’m talking about — you grab the same toy, the same lube, get in the same position, begin, orgasm, clean up the same way and then go about your day. Or, maybe there’s no toy involved, but you go to the same room in your apartment or house, lay in the same position, and orgasm in the same way. And look — we all know the expression “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” but here’s the thing — when it comes to pleasure and orgasms, changing your masturbation routine is indeed a form of self-love. It’s not supposed to be a chore; it’s not supposed to be a box you check each day like brushing your teeth — masturbation is about so much more. Masturbation is about exploration, pleasure, toys, orgasms, learning your body, and experimenting!
Think about your sex life with a partner — if you did the same thing every single time, wouldn’t one of you get a little bored? You deserve the same amount of creativity, exploration, and pleasure as your partnered sex time. When you masturbate, you’re creating pleasure grooves in your brain. If you do the same thing repeatedly, your brain will learn that that is the only way to achieve the level of pleasure you want. When we do this, it makes it harder to orgasm with a partner, in a different position, with another toy or stimulation — so variety is essential.
For example, if you always go into the same room, lay on your back, and use the Wellness Palm Sense Finger Vibrator from Blush for 90 seconds, that will be how your brain and body learn to orgasm. For a vulva owner, if you were to alternate laying on your back and belly and sometimes using the Wellness Palm Sense Finger Vibrator and sometimes use the G-Curve G-Spot Vibrator with some external stimulation, your brain will learn multiple ways of achieving climax. And if you’re a penis owner, you can try varying things up in position AND by using a toy/pleasure aid like Blush’s Wellness Geo Cock Ring and trying different lubricants. So, with that in mind, you can see how important it is to change up your masturbation routine as an act of self-love.
“BUT HOW DO I DO THAT, RACHEL!?” — yeah, I can hear you from here. I’ve got you. Follow these five steps, and you’ll be able to change up your masturbation routine in no time.
Pick a handful of toys/pleasure aids you like and rotate them
I know you probably have a favorite toy that you use most of the time you masturbate. If you only own one sex toy, that may mean purchasing some new ones. Think about diversifying your sex toy collection by thinking of different areas of stimulation with varying types of materials, vibration, etc. If you’re a vulva owner, you can switch things up by making sure you have a toy that’s only clitoral stimulation (like the Wellness Palm Sense Rechargeable Handheld Silicone Vibrator), only internal (like the G-Curve G-Spot Vibrator), a dual stimulation toy (like the G Wave), an anal toy (like the Temptasia Bling Plug butt plug), and a glass or stainless steel toy. And for any penis-owners reading this, try a cock ring (like the Wellness Geo Silicone C Ring), a masturbation sleeve (like the Stay Hard Cock Sleeve), different types of lube, a prostate toy and something with vibration. With this variety, your body and brain won’t get used to one type of stimulation to pleasure yourself.
Use your hands, occasionally, to bring yourself to orgasm (if you usually use a toy/pleasure aid)
It’s very normalized in our culture that penis owners typically use their hands and don’t use sex toys or pleasure aids while masturbating, while vulva owners don’t use their hands often and usually use pleasure aids and/or sex toys. Ideally, all genders are experimenting with their hands, pleasure aids, and toys! If you typically use a pleasure aid or sex toy to masturbate, try only to use your hands every once in a while.
Lay in different positions when you masturbate
One of the most common themes with my clients who cannot achieve orgasm in partnered or group play is positioning. When we masturbate, we often fall into habit, which includes how we’re lying. What do I mean? Some lay on their back in bed, others stand in the shower, while others lay on their stomachs. Whatever your “norm” is — Switch. It. Up. This is good for building those pleasure grooves in the brain, which will help you be able to climax in different positions when you’re in partnered or group play.
Watch different ethical porn and/or read or listen to different types of erotica
What we use, how we lay… and what we watch or think about. If you watch porn (ethically, of course!) or listen to or read erotica, you probably have a favorite go-to type. This is TOTALLY okay, normal, and also limiting for your brain! You can’t expand your sexual repertoire without knowing your options, and sometimes, knowing your options is about seeing, hearing, or reading new things. So, try to vary your stimuli. (If you’re looking for ethical porn, try Bellesa. And for great erotica to listen to, Dipsea!)
If you’re partnered, ask them for support and accountability (you can make this super sexy)
Okay, so this may not sound super sexy at first, but hear me out. Imagine texting your partner when you’re going to masturbate, letting them know what toy you’re going to use (or not use!), how you’re going to lay, where, and what stimuli you’re watching, reading, listening to, or thinking about. Not only is that sexy, but it also holds you accountable for varying your practices. Win-Win, baby.
Hopefully, this gives you some inspiration to love on yourself even more and to remember that it is truly an act of self-love to change up your masturbation routine. Have fun and enjoy!