Q: “I am looking to find better ways to make my partner orgasm without vaginal penetration. Can you help?”

A: There are many routes to pleasure besides penetration. Exploring what you and your partner enjoy can open up many new pleasure and orgasmic possibilities! Goal-oriented sex can put a lot of pressure on all partners, and it’s helpful to focus less on orgasm as an end goal and instead try to enjoy new sensations as they are happening. This is a great way to stay present in your body and in the moment. You don’t have to orgasm within a certain amount of time (or at all) to have a great time.

Every body’s needs are different and the best way to find out what you or your partner enjoy is to explore different ways of stimulating different erogenous zones. Some popular pleasure points include the nipples, inner and outer labia, the anal opening, and the clitoris. When someone is aroused, all of these nerve rich areas become more receptive to touch and different kinds of stimulation. The clitoris is particularly nerve rich and has legs that extend into the body, making it one of the most sensitive areas for people with vulvas. 

Clitoral stimulation can come from fingers, a partner’s mouth, and/or a quality vibrator. Communicating with your partner is key: some people with clitorises enjoy very focused stimulation, while others find more pleasure in broad rubbing motions up and down the vulva. As you play, ask your partner about what feels best for them—and what they want more of—to help make your sex more fulfilling. Was that too much? Is that the right place? Harder? Slower? Want to go up a speed? These can all be important questions. 

With the right vibrator, most women and people with vulvas are able to reach orgasm clitorally. The Noje Collection offers many options for external vibrators, including wands and bullet vibrator kits. Our new Noje W4. Lily wireless wand is a great way to start experimenting and see which sensations will bring your partner to climax without penetration.