In December 2019, a series of events changed my life forever. I was newly divorced and depressed from it, my mom fell into a 10-day coma on the verge of death, and I was working at a job that I absolutely hated. Seeing my mother in that condition did something to me. It was the first time in my life I had someone close to me be that ill and so close to death. I knew that something had to change. It was December 31, 2019 that I decided to quit my terrible tech job and live out my life’s passion; to be a sex coach and travel the world! 

I had been in the sex world for over 10 years at the time in my professional life and in and out of relationships for my entire adult life in my personal life. I was eager to experience being single and see the world as I had never really left my cozy comfort zone of Los Angeles, California. I told myself that once my sex coaching practice took off, I would leave LA and explore as much as I can! The day came and on February 5, 2021, I left for Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.

Since leaving for Playa, I have also lived in Colombia, Spain, Croatia, Italy, and various parts of the US such as Floria, New York, and Arizona. I have been single the entire time making this the longest I have been single in my adult life! Being a single woman traveling full-time is hands down the most fun I have ever had in my life before! I have learned so much about myself, my sexual expression, and how I relate to myself on all levels. 

Here is a list of the lessons I have learned while traveling full-time as a single slutty woman in her early 30s- 

Speaking the same language doesn’t always mean we will understand each other 

I am proudly bilingual in Spanish and English so I thought hooking up with Spanish men would be easy! We have a language in common! Well… not quite. I have spent a significant time in Mexico and my father was born there so I speak mostly Mexican-style Spanish. When it came down to doing the deed, I was surprised to find out we had completely different terms for the same things in the bedroom. In Mexico, a penis is “verga”, to fuck is “coger”, and a pussy is “concha.” In Spain, a penis is “poya”, to fuck is “foyar” and a pussy is “conyo”. So here I was saying things like “Cogeme!” or “Me encanta tu verga!” while he was looking at me with a blank stare on his face. My words were doing nothing for him and vise versa. Pro tip- Learn the dirty talk in the country in which you are being slutty in. 

Sex can happen at any time! Be prepared!

My favorite thing about being a world traveler is the spontaneity. Literally, anything can happen at any time! I cannot tell you the number of times I went out on a Thursday night telling myself I would be home by midnight only to find myself on the beach at sunrise dancing in the sand and wondering how in the world I got there. Well, it is the same for sexcapades! One time I found myself having a hot hook up in the staircase of an apartment building while my friends were outside listening to a live band play in the streets. Anything can happen anywhere! This has taught me to always be prepared! Pack your favorite condoms, wear clothes that are comfy, and (if necessary) have your STI test results ready to share. Safe hookups are the best hookups!

Abroad poly communities are the best 

I am a bisexual polyamorous queen, which I am very happy about, but finding community in this lifestyle can be tricky. I was able to find a group of amazing like-minded people from various parts of the world. Meeting people, having play parties, and hosting sexy experiences were some of the highlights of my travels. I cherish all of those people greatly. Opening yourself up to new people and having them open themselves back to you is the best feeling. 

Feeling scared can be the best feeling in the world 

When I discuss fear here I don’t mean the fear you feel when you are in actual danger. If that is the case, please remove yourself from the situation! I mean it more in the sense of doing something out of your comfort zone that scares the crap out of you. A friend invited me to a Yoni Glitter workshop and I had no idea what that was or what I was getting myself into. I was brought into a room with 10 other women where we presented our vulvas to one another, partnered up, then decorated our vulvas with glitter (don’t worry… the glitter was body safe and biodegradable). I cried. I cried so much that evening. I felt layers of shame leaving my body as I was embraced by these incredible women. On another occasion, I participated in a strip tease class, and again, I cried and cried and cried. Layers of shame melted from my body and allowing me to step into my sexual empowerment just a little bit more. When life presents a scary and exciting opportunity, say yes. 

Not all sexual experiences are worth having 

Since this was the first time being single for this long, I was open and available to almost anything and almost anyone. After a year of not having a guide or filter of people, I realized that just because I was traveling and having new experiences, it doesn’t mean I don’t get to be picky about who I engage with. I have learned how to have quality experiences with one-night stands, casual hookups, and people I have gone on multiple dates with. All experiences enrich us in some ways, even if the experience is not a positive one; there is always a lesson to be learned. Now, I use more discernment in my sex life and only choose to share my body with individuals I feel mentally and emotionally aligned with. On nights when I opt for solo playtime, my go-to is my hot pink Hop Lola Bunny. It covers ALL my needs and keeps my integrity intact with its dual stimulating power! Thanks, Lola!

The only opinion of yourself that matters is yours 

One of my biggest concerns as a highly sexual single traveler was not having someone tell me I am amazing and beautiful all the time and not having a consistent sexual partner. What was I going to do without the external validation?! After falling into a deep depression, I had a life-changing a-ha moment. “What if I decided right now that I am amazing and beautiful? What if I took it as fact? What if it was a non-negotiable and no one around me could influence it?” I took this to heart and began living my life this way. Waiting around for external validation to come and make you feel better about you is unsustainable. Your opinion of you is the one that matters the most. 

Self-love always wins 

As corny as it may sound, loving yourself above everything will always win in the end and in every sexual situation. Approaching every sexual experience with self-love and excitement can only bring goodness to your life. Understanding your intentions for going into a sexual situation and ensuring that you are engaging as a means to enhance your life, not complete it is healthy and fun. Loving you is the best thing you can do!

Jocelyn Silva, MSW Sexual Empowerment Coach (she/her)